“SCROOGE CONQUERS EUROPE!”

FADE IN:

A darkened Victorian study illuminated by a single flickering candle.

An antique clock ticks ominously.

The camera moves across an enormous wooden desk covered with ledgers, contracts, ticket projections, maps of Europe, and neatly stacked towers of gold coins.

At the center sits EBENEZER SCROOGE, dressed in an immaculate black Victorian suit and tall top hat. His fingers are steepled beneath his chin as he studies a large map.

Spain and Scandinavia have both been completely covered by small flags bearing Scrooge’s face.

Standing beside the desk is Scrooge’s current assistant, NIGEL FROSTWICK, holding an enormous bundle of travel documents.

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
Mr. Scrooge, the arrangements for NPCW’s August house-show tour have been completed.

Scrooge slowly looks up.

SCROOGE:
NPCW’s tour?

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
Yes, sir.

SCROOGE:
Frostwick, who secured the arenas?

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
You did, sir.

SCROOGE:
Who negotiated the travel expenses?

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
You did.

SCROOGE:
Who authorized the posters, ticket prices, souvenir programs, commemorative drinking cups, premium seating surcharges, and mandatory venue convenience fees?

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
You did, sir.

Scrooge leans toward the camera.

SCROOGE:
Then it is not NPCW’s tour.

A thunderous orchestral fanfare erupts.

The walls of the study explode outward, revealing an absurdly extravagant golden stage surrounded by fireworks, dancers dressed as coins, and a fifty-foot mechanical statue of Ebenezer Scrooge.

EBENEZER SCROOGE PRESENTS

SCROOGE CONQUERS EUROPE!

Smaller text appears beneath it:

Featuring Selected NPCW Personnel

Scrooge steps onto the stage wearing a fur-trimmed black overcoat and carrying a gold-handled cane.

SCROOGE:
People of Europe!

For generations, your nations have produced magnificent art, celebrated monarchs, enduring architecture, and priceless cultural treasures.

But until now, you have lacked the one thing necessary to make any civilization truly complete.

Scrooge spreads his arms.

A chorus of singers appears behind him.

CHORUS:
SCROOOOOOOOGE!

Gold coins rain from the ceiling.

Nigel hurriedly enters carrying a bucket and begins collecting them.

SCROOGE:
This August, through my generosity, vision, and remarkable ability to negotiate nonrefundable venue deposits, NPCW shall embark upon a historic international house-show tour!

The wrestlers will fight.

The spectators will cheer.

And I—

Scrooge pauses as the lighting dramatically narrows around him.

SCROOGE:
—shall receive the revenue.

Nigel opens a financial report.

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
Mr. Cratchit has reviewed the projected revenues in his capacity as Chief Financial Officer.

SCROOGE:
And?

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
He attached seven pages of financial concerns.

Scrooge snatches the report and drops it into a nearby fireplace.

SCROOGE:
Then the projections must be excellent!

THE MYTHIC DIVISION

INVADES SPAIN!

Flamenco music begins.

The stage transforms into an elaborate Spanish plaza, except every flag, fountain, and historic monument now bears Scrooge’s face.

SCROOGE:
The Mythic Division shall travel throughout Spain, a nation renowned for passion, courage, culture, and citizens who have not yet purchased officially licensed Ebenezer Scrooge merchandise!

Nigel wheels out a rack filled with black top hats, miniature ledgers, Scrooge canes, and foam fingers reading:

SCROOGE IS NUMBER £1

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
Shouldn’t that say “number one,” sir?

SCROOGE:
It does.

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
That is a pound symbol.

SCROOGE:
Precisely.

A dramatic image of KING ARTHUR appears.

SCROOGE:
Witness the legendary ruler of Camelot and reigning Mythic Crown Champion, King Arthur, facing the mysterious master of dreams, Sandman!

KING ARTHUR

VS

SANDMAN

NON-TITLE MATCH

SCROOGE:
A king against a creature of dreams!

Royalty against the impossible!

Excalibur against unconsciousness!

And because it is a non-title match, I avoid the expense of transporting additional championship-security personnel.

Scrooge smiles approvingly.

SCROOGE:
Good business.

The screen shakes as the Scalekeepers and Monster Bash Enforcers appear.

SCALEKEEPERS

VS

MONSTER BASH ENFORCERS

SCROOGE:
Then the Scalekeepers collide with the Monster Bash Enforcers!

Dragons!

Monsters!

Brutality!

Property damage!

Scrooge turns toward Nigel.

SCROOGE:
We obtained arena insurance, correct?

Nigel nervously checks the paperwork.

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
We obtained the least expensive arena insurance available, sir.

SCROOGE:
Excellent.

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
It does not cover dragons, supernatural creatures, structural collapse, fire, flooding, curses, or acts of Frankenstein.

Scrooge pauses.

SCROOGE:
Then instruct the wrestlers to be careful.

A bolt of lightning illuminates FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER as TAKUMA RYUJIN prepares for battle.

TAKUMA RYUJIN

VS

FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER

SCROOGE:
Takuma Ryujin faces Frankenstein’s Monster in a battle of discipline against destruction!

Technique against raw power!

Man against monster!

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
Technically, sir, Frankenstein’s Monster is also—

SCROOGE:
No one purchased a ticket to hear technicalities, Frostwick!

Scrooge faces the camera.

SCROOGE:
They purchased tickets to hear me!

THE POLAR DIVISION

FREEZES SCANDINAVIA!

Snow suddenly pours across the stage.

A golden Viking longship sails through the backdrop. Its sail contains an enormous portrait of Scrooge glaring down upon the horizon.

SCROOGE:
At the very same time, the Polar Division will journey across Scandinavia!

A region famous for snow, ice, long winter nights, and citizens already accustomed to paying unreasonable prices for everything!

Scrooge rubs his hands together.

SCROOGE:
My kind of people.

The spectral image of the GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST fills the screen as PETER COTTONTAIL bounds into view.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST

VS

PETER COTTONTAIL

NON-TITLE MATCH

SCROOGE:
The Universal Champion, the Ghost of Christmas Past, faces Peter Cottontail!

A terrifying spirit of memory against a cheerful herald of spring!

Christmas against Easter!

Regret against chocolate!

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
Will there be holiday-themed merchandise for both competitors?

Scrooge looks offended.

SCROOGE:
Frostwick, there will be separate merchandise for each competitor, separate merchandise for the match, and a premium-priced commemorative package containing both.

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
What comes in the package?

SCROOGE:
A box.

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
An empty box?

SCROOGE:
A collectible storage experience.

Fire erupts across the screen as KRAMPUS confronts FROSTY.

KRAMPUS

VS

FROSTY

SCROOGE:
Krampus battles Frosty!

The punisher of the wicked against the world’s most dangerous snowman!

Chains against coal!

Holiday terror against frozen fury!

A spectacular collision guaranteed to warm the hearts of wrestling fans—

Scrooge produces a stack of invoices.

SCROOGE:
—and increase seasonal merchandise sales during an otherwise underperforming fiscal quarter.

The screen darkens.

GRONDAR THE REVENANT raises the North Pole Championship while TOBIAS SNAKE emerges from the shadows.

GRONDAR THE REVENANT

VS

TOBIAS SNAKE

NON-TITLE MATCH

SCROOGE:
The North Pole Champion, Grondar the Revenant, faces the cold-blooded Tobias Snake!

The immovable revenant against the calculating serpent!

Power against poison!

A champion against a challenger who will receive absolutely no championship opportunity merely for surviving!

Scrooge points his cane directly at the camera.

SCROOGE:
Championship matches cost extra.

THE COMPLETE TOUR SCHEDULE

A gigantic gold-trimmed map of Europe descends from above.

Scrooge stands before it with his cane while Nigel turns the pages of an enormous itinerary.

SCROOGE:
Each division will perform on both scheduled nights in its respective city.

So pay attention.

I shall not repeat myself merely because you failed to maintain proper records.

AUGUST 3 AND 4

MYTHIC DIVISION:

MADRID, SPAIN

POLAR DIVISION:

OSLO, NORWAY

SCROOGE:
Two divisions. Two nations. Two nights.

Four opportunities to purchase a souvenir program containing eleven pages of wrestling information and thirty-seven pages celebrating me.

AUGUST 10 AND 11

MYTHIC DIVISION:

BARCELONA, SPAIN

POLAR DIVISION:

STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN

SCROOGE:
Barcelona and Stockholm!

Two beautiful cities soon to become considerably more beautiful once my banners have been installed.

AUGUST 17 AND 18

MYTHIC DIVISION:

SEVILLE, SPAIN

POLAR DIVISION:

HELSINKI, FINLAND

SCROOGE:
Seville receives myth, monsters, and majesty!

Helsinki receives snow, spirits, and suffering!

Both receive service charges.

AUGUST 24 AND 25

MYTHIC DIVISION:

MURCIA, SPAIN

POLAR DIVISION:

COPENHAGEN, DENMARK

SCROOGE:
Murcia and Copenhagen!

Historic destinations transformed into temporary extensions of—

A massive logo crashes onto the screen.

SCROOGE’S NORTH POLE EMPIRE

BECAUSE GREED NEVER TAKES A HOLIDAY!

AUGUST 31 AND SEPTEMBER 1

MYTHIC DIVISION:

VALENCIA, SPAIN

POLAR DIVISION:

GOTHENBURG, SWEDEN

SCROOGE:
The tour concludes in Valencia and Gothenburg!

Or, as my accountants call them—

Scrooge raises two bulging money bags.

SCROOGE:
—the final collection points.

Triumphant music swells as the complete schedule fills the screen.

MYTHIC DIVISION — SPAIN

AUGUST 3–4: Madrid
AUGUST 10–11: Barcelona
AUGUST 17–18: Seville
AUGUST 24–25: Murcia
AUGUST 31–SEPTEMBER 1: Valencia

POLAR DIVISION — SCANDINAVIA

AUGUST 3–4: Oslo
AUGUST 10–11: Stockholm
AUGUST 17–18: Helsinki
AUGUST 24–25: Copenhagen
AUGUST 31–SEPTEMBER 1: Gothenburg

Scrooge returns to his desk.

The extravagant stage disappears, leaving only the original candlelit study.

He opens a ledger marked:

EXPECTED EUROPEAN PROFITS

SCROOGE:
Tickets are available now.

Purchase yours immediately.

Bring your family.

Bring your friends.

Bring anyone possessing disposable income and poor resistance to aggressive advertising.

Nigel quietly raises his hand.

NIGEL FROSTWICK:
Should we mention that these are special non-televised house shows, sir?

Scrooge looks directly into the camera.

SCROOGE:
Of course they are not televised.

Why should I allow people to watch from home when I can charge them to enter the building?

Scrooge closes the ledger.

SCROOGE:
Spain.

Scandinavia.

Mythic legends.

Polar monsters.

And the greatest international attraction NPCW has ever presented—

A final graphic appears showing Scrooge standing triumphantly over a map of Europe.

EBENEZER SCROOGE

The names of the wrestlers appear beneath his in tiny print.

SCROOGE:
The wrestlers may provide the fighting.

But never forget who provided the opportunity to pay for it.

Scrooge gives a cold, satisfied smile.

SCROOGE:
Purchase your tickets.

Or don’t.

The empty seats have already been budgeted into next year’s price increase.

FADE TO BLACK.