Opening Scene: Outside the U.S. Embassy in San Salvador. The dusty sun beams down as Ace MacDougal, Scottish pilot extraordinaire, stands before Negropolis, Madman Mason, and Flippers the penguin. Ace adjusts his aviator sunglasses, looking every bit like an eccentric uncle who might’ve flown crop dusters for fun in his youth.
Ace MacDougal: (in a thick Scottish brogue) “Well, lads, this is where I leave ye! The MacDougal Express has other passengers to ferry, and by passengers, I mean my old pals down at ‘The Flaming Haggis.’ Ah, the tales that pub could tell…”
Negropolis: (crossing his arms) “If I wanted a tale, I’d read Moby Dick. Get to the point, Ace.”
Ace: (leaning in with a conspiratorial grin) “The point, my bony mate, is ye better not be getting into trouble! That ambassador’s not gonna be won over by yer—what do they call it—face like a Halloween leftover.”
Mason: (huffing) “Hey, his face is perfectly symmetrical! It’s just...lacking a certain something. Like skin.”
Ace: (ruffling Mason’s hair like a doting uncle) “Ah, Mason, always the charmer! Take care of Flippers—and Negropolis, try no’ to scare the tourists!” With a hearty laugh, Ace hops into a rusted jeep and drives off, leaving a trail of dust and questionable engine noises.
Negropolis and Mason exchange glances as Flippers flaps his wings enthusiastically. Together, the trio trudges toward the Embassy.
Scene: Inside the U.S. Embassy
The Ambassador’s office is imposing—leather-bound books, a globe the size of Flippers, and a desk that screams, “I don’t trust you.” The Ambassador, a stern man with sharp features, adjusts his glasses as he eyes the odd trio.
Ambassador: “So let me get this straight... You’re claiming to be U.S. citizens? You”—gesturing to Negropolis—“look like an extra from The Nightmare Before Christmas. And you”—eyeing Mason—“are wearing a restraint muzzle and carrying...a penguin?”
Mason: (nervously) “Flippers is emotional support! He’s my spirit animal. Touch his belly—he’s very calming.”
Negropolis: “Don’t drag Flippers into this, Mason. Look, Ambassador, we’re the real deal. We’ve just been through a...slight inconvenience.”
Ambassador: “Inconvenience? I hear you’ve been consorting with guerrillas! What’s your connection to this Wilfredo character?”
Negropolis: (leaning in confidently) “Connection? We barely knew the guy. I mean, sure, he saved our lives, but who’s counting?”
Mason: “Yeah, we’re about as connected as a Wi-Fi signal in the jungle.” He chuckles nervously, but the Ambassador’s unimpressed glare turns it into an awkward cough.
The conversation grows more tense, with the Ambassador asking increasingly skeptical questions. Just as it seems all hope is lost, the office door bursts open, and in walks a teenage boy wearing a Yankees cap backward.
Teen: (pointing excitedly) “Oh my gosh! Dad, it’s them! The ugly skull guy and the Molly Mason’s cousin! They used to work for HCW—I saw their videos online!”
The Ambassador freezes, his skepticism slowly shifting to confusion and faint embarrassment.
Ambassador: (rubbing his temples) “Videos? Online? What is HCW?”
Teen: “Heritage Championship Wrestling! These guys were legends. Check this out!” He pulls out his phone and starts showing grainy footage of Negropolis delivering a piledriver and Mason diving off a ladder.
Ambassador: (sighing deeply) “This...is unbelievable. Fine. You’ll have your temporary papers. But know this—if I hear even a whisper of guerrilla-related antics—”
Mason: “Scout’s honor! No more jungles, no more guerrillas. Strictly snow and igloos from here on out.”
As they turn to leave, the teen stops Mason.
Teen: “Hey, quick question—what’s up with Holly and Yeti?”
Mason: (blinking, confused) “What’s up with them? I dunno.” He shrugs and exits with Negropolis and Flippers, leaving the teen pondering.
Our heroes step out into the blazing sun, temporary papers in hand. Negropolis adjusts his tattered coat, Mason picks up Flippers, and they start walking.
Mason: “You think there’s in-flight penguin food?”
Negropolis: (deadpan) “Not a chance. Just don’t let him order the fish fillet.”
The scene ends with the trio disappearing into the bustling crowd, on their way to the airport, and the next step of their absurd adventure.
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